Front Matterp.1

Writing JAMES EDWARD RAGGI IV

Additional Back Cover Text BARRY O’LEARY AND RICHARD AUGUST

Art YANNICK BOUCHARD, ROSI KÄMPE, ERIC LOFGREN,

RICH LONGMORE, IAN MACLEAN, JAN POSPÍŠIL

Bonus Page Art CLAUDIO POZAS

Graphic Design

JEZ GORDON

Editing JARRETT CRADER

Lamentations of the Flame Princess is a registered trademark owned by James Edward Raggi IV

Author’s Notesp.3

Bloody hell, are you serious? I have to do this? Eldritch Cock?

It’s my own fault. Last year I published a wonderful book called Vaginas are Magic!, a book of spells that only women could cast. The one regrettable choice from that book was making the joke that the following year I’d make a book called Eldritch Cock. It was a joke. I didn’t intend to do it. That would be ridiculous!

... but once that book was out, that’s all anyone could talk about. They all wanted Eldritch Cock.

Fine.

But this isn’t going to be a book of spells that can only be cast by men. Oh, I had the concept, writing the introduction first-person style from the perspectives of Willibald Schwartz and Iri-Khan like they were ardent MRA/GamerGate types, with no indication that’s it’s all a gag, and then do a bunch of crazy spells based off of death metal songs, because I like nothing better than trolling an audience where I’m supposed to be doing Serious Marketing.

But a funny thing happened on the way to writing that... I didn’t want to do it. You might notice that all the “iconic” Lamentations of the Flame Princess (LotFP) characters are women, right? The idea of writing a book where I’ll have to commission a bunch of art featuring men was just too depressing to contemplate. I like saying “Hey, how about in this piece you’re pregnant and the fetus is showing through your belly?” to people I know (and the models for all these characters are people I know). Nothing says “productive professional relationship” like trolling your reference models and letting them guess whether you’re trying to be funny or are actually very creepy. (Answer: Both!)

So I needed a new concept. Yes, I’d keep the title, because that’s what people are expecting and wanting, and I very much enjoy being held up as an example of a complete and utter monster in my industry. But then came Harvey Weinstein and Me Too and then revelations from our own industry here and suddenly all my thunder was stolen. How can I be the biggest villain in gaming if I’m not doing real harm like these people? How can I again see the looks of concern from random passersby at Gen Con, watching people suddenly hurry to get away when they realize they’re near my booth, and writing pissy things about me after they’ve had their own booth across the aisle from me at the UK Games Expo, if all I do is publish fictional nonsense they don’t like?

The answer is rather obvious, and it’s what I’ve been doing all along. Publish really good fictional nonsense they really don’t like. Of course!

I guess I should step back and explain something. You might be someone just now discovering LotFP, or at least picking it up for the first time. You might be confused why someone would publish a book called Eldritch Cock, and you might be wondering why there’s all this

talk of trolling and such in a book that’s supposed to be attracting new customers fans.

Let’s face it. Big Name RPG material is boring. Most RPG material is designed to be as broadly appealing as possible, and to minimize discomfort as much as possible, resulting in it being completely devoid of personality. It’s designed with the potential customer, and the brand name, in mind.

I know people who work for the major publishers in gaming. These creative people tell me all the time how their most interesting and personal ideas are amputated from their work by the powers that be in order to produce a Professional Big Name RPG Product.

The one key to success in a creative field, especially as a smaller producer: figure out what makes you different from everyone else, and obsessively focus on that. And whatever The Big Guys are doing, don’t ever do that. Instead, do you. Do you hard. And maybe the audience will come. Maybe it won’t. But if you write for what you imagine your audience to be, and that audience doesn’t come, you’ll really feel like a goof. At least if you write for yourself and the audience doesn’t come, you’ve still made something you like and can salvage a little dignity out of the whole thing.

Now you might say, “It’s very bad form to prop yourself up by denigrating others.” I’m sure some of my writers are cringing while reading this, in between receiving their sizable royalty deposits, wondering why I engage in these promotional tactics. Here’s the thing: if you’re satisfied with Big Name Gaming, it doesn’t matter how personable or upstanding I am. They’ve got the media connections and branding professionals and, most importantly, they’ve already got the humongous networks of players. You don’t need me, you don’t need LotFP, for any of that. Catering to you is a waste of your time and my effort. Go have fun.

But just maybe you’re reading this and thinking, “Yes, Big Name RPGs are a bit shit.” You like the general concept of gaming that they provide, but you’re just a little bit let down with how restrained everything seems to be. They tend to throw so many character options at you and show you how awesome you can be as a smokescreen to distract from the fact that the work they publish isn’t very awesome itself. You’ve been waiting your whole life to read an RPG book that goes all the way to 11.

Hi!

Frankly, with some of the other authors I work with pulling in all the sales and winning all the awards under the LotFP banner, I can just cut loose and have fun reveling in all the things that I truly love that you think are weird and aberrant. The things I know that nobody but LotFP will do, at least not while attempting to stand next to Dungeons & Dragons and Pathfinder and Star Wars and whatever other rubbish is attempting to reach a broad, family-friendly audience on the gaming store shelf.

We need to seriously talk about why gore and sexuality are disdained as popular art concepts by both the general public and media gatekeepers.

I find this all rather ridiculous. There are three things that are true about human beings in Western society: One, we are all made of meat and we are all going to die. Two, we are sexual beings whose evolutionary imperative is to reproduce. Three, our individual consciousnesses are horrified by both of these facts, and a constant through human social history is the effort to control these things to the best of our ability.

Or in other words, sex and death are inescapably real and invariably important to all of us, and our personal feelings about these things come into conflict on some level with greater society.

Stories about these things are of course applauded, but only within very strict parameters. Graphic depictions of sex or violence are unclean, impure. They are pornography and must be isolated, denigrated, no matter their quality. They’re trash to be degraded. People must not be reminded of who they are and what they are underneath their facade. Children must be utterly shielded from discovering what they will become. The fiction we consume, the fiction we are able to consume, must at all costs reinforce the societal fiction of what we are, and bury the reality of it.

While using these more controversial devices as storytelling elements is not universal in LotFP (every author has their own inspiration and I don’t impose mine on them), I consider this to be a horror game, and in all honesty, my strongest mortal fears involve the integrity of my physical form, and my greatest social fears involve sexual attractiveness and performance.

On one hand I can’t even look at my foot for a long time after I stub my toe because of the sheer horror of imagining I’ve broken a toe and it’s bent wrong. I am an overweight man in my 40s and I have had a scare with chest pains (which turned out to be a minor not-heart related muscle issue) and pain and a lump in my testicle (which turned out to be a spermatocele, which is not- cancer, but that will never go away without surgery). My mortality, the reality that I’m not made of any different stuff whatsoever than the cows I consume as burgers and steaks, becomes more real as time goes on.

On the other hand, the absolute horror of finding an awesome woman (or, at times, any woman at all) who agrees to go out with me, and even getting her thinking that going to bed with me is a good idea, and then not being able to perform, is not some hypothetical fear. It has happened. And even when all the parts work hasn’t meant that my performance has satisfied my partner. And let’s not even go into how one’s sexual performance relates to how one gets along with one’s partner outside of sexual situations. If you’re wincing at the image of me having sex (you’re welcome!), imagine how I feel. I have to be there for it. It’s just insecurity, projecting past failures onto current anxieties and into fears of the future, worrying that I’m going to be dying alone and unloved.

These things are intensely personal, and expressing them through my work is vitally important to me. I demand the right to not only use these fears and

anxieties in my work, but to use them as I see fit. Seriously, or comedically. Realistically, or fantastically. Discretely, or graphically. Straightforwardly, or as distorted as I please. Because it’s my work, and while my interpretations may be my own, they are still issues that we all deal with in our individual ways. You may like what I do, or you may not, but there is no excuse for trying to restrict it (or any other work for these reasons, for that matter). I consider attempts to do so to be personal attacks, and I will respond appropriately.

Moreover, I consider attempts to regulate the depictions of corporeality to be bald-faced attacks on reality itself. To reduce violence in media to a bloodless morality play is lying to your audience. To reduce sex to romance and fade-to- black is lying to your audience. Lying in this way is perfectly fine for storytelling (I generally love Marvel movies, you know?), but enforcing an environment where these lies are the only acceptable things to say is insulting and in many ways monstrous because of the harm it causes. It is self-delusion born out of self- loathing, projected on a societal level.

Yes, harm. Because I cannot believe that a society that so deeply denies its own mortality, its own physical form, has any chance in hell of seriously considering the mortality of others, of having any chance of accepting those whose bodies are different in even minor ways like skin shading or eyelid shape, let alone major ways like having different genitals. I cannot believe that a society that acts so ashamed of even the most baseline average sexuality has any chance of truly accepting those whose sexuality differs from that baseline average.

And if people can’t accept depictions of mortality and sexuality in make-believe, or if they can’t bring themselves to be honest enough to have the same opinions about them in public as in private, I cannot believe that they will not be bigoted towards people different than themselves in real life.

We are capable of being better than this. And if you’re having trouble with it, this book can help you. It takes real world issues but presents them as complete nonsense. Words and pictures expressing things that can never happen in reality. Fantasticized for your easy consumption.

If you think I’m doing it wrong, by all means do your own work and show the world how to do it right. If you can’t convince people that you’re right, if you’re disturbed that Lamentations of the Flame Princess has so many fans and gets so much attention publishing the trash that we do and carrying the attitudes that we do, maybe we’re not the freaks here.

You are.

James Edward Raggi IV December 20, 2017

Playlist for the writing of this book: Jess and the Ancient Ones The Horse and Other Weird Tales, Church of the Cosmic Skull Is Satan Real?, Walpyrgus Walpyrgus Nights, Demon Incarnate Demon Incarnate, Sorcerer The Crowning of the Fire King, Attic Sanctimonious, Cradle of Filth Cryptoriana.

Anywhere Out Of This Worldp.6

People say that Magic-Users of all description (descriptions which are, to the superstitious who know nothing about magic but to fear it, purely arbitrary) are soulless, without conscience, empathy, sympathy, or love. What people say is often true.

This spells calls forth the howling void, transforming the trunk of their body, from neck to groin, into a negative space, a portal to an unknown realm. Anything touching the caster’s torso (other than the caster’s own head and limbs, and for some reason non-torso clothing) is sucked into this void, an effect the caster has no control over. The only exceptions are magic items which themselves contain a portal or distorted internal space, which cannot enter the void and so treat the void-torso as a solid object. Objects significantly (say, over 25%) larger than the caster, including masses of liquid, are not absorbed.

The caster cannot ingest anything as anything swallowed enters the void, though the caster can still breathe and suffers normally if strangled or finds herself in a space with no air, etc.

The caster can suck people and creatures into the void against their will by making a simple attack roll. Because this is attempting bodily contact, targets wielding weapons or possessing natural weapons get a free attack on the caster first, unless the caster has surprise.

Attacks on the caster will strike the void-torso, and thus suck the attacking weapon (or entire creature if they use natural weapons) into the void, if the attack roll is within a range of plus or minus 4 from the intended target number. A natural 20 always properly hits, of course.

If the void is already occupied by a living creature and draws in another, there is a 1 in 10 chance that every creature already present in the void is spat out somewhere else in space-time.

Beings and objects in the void are kept in timeless stasis, and creatures will heal completely after being in the void. Creatures that are immortal or do not sleep will be conscious of their “infinite” confinement, and will grow 1d4 Hit Dice while in stasis.

The caster can retrieve items or creatures from the void by reaching in and pulling them out. This takes 1d4 rounds for every creature/object already in the void.

The spell ends either when the caster wills it or when the caster loses consciousness. If the spell ends by the caster’s will, everything in the void is “regurgitated” back into the world. If the spell ends due to loss of consciousness, everything in the void is “regurgitated” back into the world as well, but each item/creature has a 1 in 8 chance to not emerge, instead being lost forever.

1d12 MISCAST TABLEp.6

1 The void connects to a volatile anti-matter universe, causing an explosion doing 1d6 damage per level of the caster in a 10' diameter per level of the caster sphere, and then immediately closes.

2 People captured inside the void gain access to the caster's essence, taking possession of the caster. If additional people are captured inside the void, the most recent captive is the one in control.

3 The void does not store objects or creatures; anything placed within it is ejected into a random place in space/time.

4 The void opens up to occupied space, and some thing crawls out from the other side into our world. Armor 12+1d10, 2d10 Hit Dice, one attack doing 1d12 damage. The caster cannot end the spell for 1d20 rounds.

5 The void implodes the first time a living creature is drawn within, trapping the creature and the caster within the void, before the void closes forever.

6 The void is permanent and the caster cannot resubstantiate completely. The caster cannot eat nor drink, nor lay prone or sit back on anything, yet still needs sustenance and sleep.

7+ Refer to Miscast Table, inside front cover.

song title from Reverend Bizarre

Arguments Against Designp.8

The world is generally made of up solid things. These things are their own things, indivisible; there are few natural things that are made of different, readily separable elements. Some animals, despite being of and from nature themselves, construct unnatural creations, blighting nature. Birds do this when making their nests, beavers do this when building their dams, but no creature exhibits the complete hubris, the utter disregard for everything good and natural more readily than man. They not only build things out of different things and rearrange nature, they claim to improve upon it, changing the very nature of things. And in the grand irony, as man seeks to completely unravel nature and reality through magic, it has discovered a way to use this magic to return its aberrant creations back unto nature.

The spell undoes the construction of a single object, breaking it down into its individual parts. Sewn or weaved clothing breaks down to its individual threads, mechanical objects separate into their respective parts, wooden constructions split into to their individual boards and nails, stonework breaks down to the singular slabs and bricks, glue unsticks, soldering weakens and dissolves, a book unbinds, etc. It simply disassembles as if all of its fastenings and bindings just came undone. The pieces are not harmed (barring a fall from a great height or some similar circumstance) and the item can theoretically be reassembled.

The spell has a touch range for a first level caster, plus 10’ for every additional level of the caster, affecting an object up to 10’ cubed. If an object is larger than this, that much of it is still disassembled.

1d12 MISCAST TABLEp.8

1 The caster falls to pieces instead of the targeted object, but remains alive and conscious unless its vital portions are individually destroyed.

2 The targeted construct becomes absolutely indestructible, as well as sentient, remembering all that has happened to it since its fabrication.

3 All man-made objects with a radius of 10' per level of the caster disassemble.

4 The targeted object not only stays intact, but becomes twice as useful/effective.

5 The object duplicates instead of disassembling, with the new object being situated in a way most disadvantageous to the caster.

6 Disassembly occurs in an explosive manner, doing 1d6 damage per caster level in a 10' per level of the caster radius. Save versus Breath Weapon for half damage.

7+ Refer to Miscast Table, inside front cover.

song title from Watchtower

An Autumn To Cripple Childrenp.10

The Cripple Children are little-known creatures of myth that create entropy and failure in the universe. They are said to have revealed themselves to the first human Magic-Users that discovered the mystic arts, warning them to cease and desist. One of the first wizard’s first spells, after creating spells to help them kill and to help them fuck, was written to summon the Cripple Children and harness their power, because that’s how Magic-Users roll. The Cripple Children make sure that this is probably not a good idea to do, because that’s how they roll. The summoning of the Cripple Children with this spell (the only spell which successfully summons them in a controlled manner) transforms the climate in the immediate region (one mile radius per level of the caster) to that which simulates a crisp autumn day in a temperate zone. When the transformation is complete, the Cripple Children shall arrive, to all appearances helplessly laying about the landscape. Within this domain of the Cripple Children, several effects occur:

caster, or in the caster’s presence, receives +1 bonus, the second, a +2 bonus, continuing until the bonus reaches +10, at which point the bonuses begin to decrease again. Anyone who shows any sign of gaming this system to gain a better bonus will be stricken by the Cripple Children, and suffer a -4 penalty to all rolls for the duration of the spell.

an additional 1hp damage per round after the initial damage, stopping only when the one who inflicted the wound has been killed.

leaf, carrying a particularly obstinate insect with a particularly infectious sting or bite, onto the caster, doing 1hp damage.

or even refers to a Cripple Child, no matter how obliquely, suffers 1d8 damage. Anyone who touches a Cripple Child has their limbs and spine shattered, leaving them forever a paraplegic. The spell lasts one full day per level of the caster, at which point the Cripple Children melt into the ground and the climate shifts back to its normal state.

1d12 MISCAST TABLEp.10

1 The spell instead summons Winter around the Cripple Children, which intensifies bad luck to the same degree that the Autumn caused the Cripple Children to intensify good luck. The weather becomes extremely frigid.

2 The spell instead summons Summer around the Cripple Children, which increases aggression in everyone. Whenever meeting someone new within the Cripple Children's domain, one must make at least one attack upon them. The weather becomes extremely warm.

3 The spell instead summons Spring around the Cripple Children, which increases chaos and unpredictability. Any roll higher than the die average (for example, a 4-6 on a d6) becomes the maximum possible roll on the die, and any roll lower than the die average (for example, 1-3 on a d6) becomes the lowest possible roll on the die. The weather becomes extremely pleasant.

4 The spell heals the Cripple Children, meaning that no one can succeed at any task, anywhere, worldwide, forever. If an action can fail, it will. The Cripple Children become the Running Children, who will grow tired of this state of affairs in 1d4 days, throwing themselves off of high places, or into machinery, or otherwise doing whatever they can to destroy the functions of their bodies, returning the universe to its original miserable state.

5 The spell destroys the Cripple Children utterly. Nobody can fail at any task, anywhere, worldwide, forever. If an action can succeed, it will. This spell of course cannot be cast again. This only ends when a Magic-User, who knows this spell, intentionally cripples at least two dozen people, and then herself, to become the new Cripple People. The spell must be researched from scratch to again function since the Crippled entities being summoned are now different.

6 The caster becomes a Cripple Child. She will influence the world, increasing its chaos and misery for all time, but she is no longer a playable character.

7+ Refer to Miscast Table, inside front cover.

song title from EbonyLake

Baptized By The Black Urine Of The Deceasedp.12

Magic-Users are depraved individuals who reject their very humanity in their quest for knowledge and power. This is absolutely universal and always true. You cannot claim decency at all, ever, if you study or use magic, period. At best you can keep a civil facade and put on a useful and fancy light show to trick others into thinking it’s a good idea to keep you around. Sometimes, however, there is no hiding it. Whereas even the most evil people have limits to what they will do, boundaries to protect their integrity and their skewed view of humanity, even to protect their most precious causes, even their very lives, Magic-Users will often perform the most degrading rituals for the sake of mere convenience. If you are a wizard, that is who you are. If you travel with wizards, this is what you ally with. This spell can be cast on any existing corporeal undead that still has an intact abdomen, or on any corpse still possessing the same (which will animate the corpse). The caster must then prostrate herself before the creature, who then will proceed to drain their internal putrefied matter onto the caster over the course of the next several rounds. No undead will attack the caster during this time, although all living creatures witnessing this must make a Morale check or immediately and forever disassociate themselves from the caster. Once baptized thusly, the caster gains the following abilities and disadvantages for the spell’s duration:

undead had in life (whichever is less).

permanently, and the caster gaining 1d8 temporary hit points. The total number of levels that can be drained this way is equal to the level of the caster.

(a number of people and/or animals up to the level of the caster), as long as the retinue does not cause the mindless undead to act against any standing orders. Intelligent undead will be cordial, and perhaps overly friendly. Any undead will of course defend themselves (read: counterattack) against anyone and anything hostile to them.

suffer a 2 point Armor penalty and -2 on all die rolls if they are within 10’ of the caster as the stench sickens them to the point of vomiting and incontinence.

equal to the caster’s level, rigor mortis will set in and the caster will suffer a cumulative 1 point penalty to all rolls per day and a cumulative 10’ reduction in movement rate. If her movement rate reaches zero, she dies.

caster leaves everywhere. These markings can never be fully cleansed, the stench never completely eliminated; the affected surfaces and areas must be replaced. The spell ends when the Black Urine of the Deceased is washed away with the urine of the living, but only if all temporary hit points have been expended.

1d12 MISCAST TABLEp.12

1 The urine does not have its usual effect, and is acidic to boot; the caster takes 1d6 damage, clothing and worn equipment become corroded, and the caster must save versus Poison or become scarred.

2 The urine does not have its usual effect, but the caster is imbued for 1d6 days per caster level with the unfortunate effect of automatically raising all dead bodies within a 10' per caster level radius. These undead are uncontrollable and ravenous!

3 The spell works, but the caster dies, remaining animated as undead. The character no longer needs food, water or oxygen, but cannot naturally heal damage, etc.

4 The urine stream turns into a deluge, as the spell has tapped into a Necroverse filled with the oily ichor of liquefied dead flesh. Unless there is significant drainage available, the immediate area will flood, affecting everyone who comes into contact with the liquid with the results of the spell as listed above.

5 The black urine will not wash off; the caster is permanently covered in the oily mess. On the plus side, the benefits conferred are permanent. On the not so plus side, so are the drawbacks.

6 The urine works, but also gives the caster a nasty infection. Every day for the next 1d12 days, the caster must save versus Poison or lose either one point from a random ability score or one point from her maximum hit points, permanently. If the caster engages in any strenuous activity, including travel, even one round of combat or taking any damage, or using magic or doing magical research, the caster must make two saves to prevent the loss.

7+ Refer to Miscast Table, inside front cover.

song title from Necros Christos

Chewing Through The Membranes of Time and Spacep.14

This spell allows the caster to see the strands of spacetime and manipulate them in ways that influence reality without unraveling it completely. In game terms, a number of die rolls equal to the caster’s level may be manipulated over a period of time. Any die roll, made by anyone at the table, may be manipulated. A die may be manipulated by simply tipping the die over one flat side (not over a corner!).

When a roll involves multiple dice, only one of the dice may be manipulated from any single roll. The typical percentile die rolls, involving two ten-sided dice, is indeed counted as two separate rolls for the purposes of this spell.

The more powerful the caster, the more care must be taken in how spacetime is manipulated: until all possible die rolls that can be manipulated are manipulated, no other spell can be cast without automatically suffering miscast results.

1d12 MISCAST TABLEp.14

1 The spacetime lattice is more resilient than expected, and the Referee gains the ability to manipulate die rolls instead. The Referee should use this opportunity to punish and endanger the caster as much as possible.

2 The ability to manipulate spacetime does not ensure that it will be competently done. In this case the caster really screws up, and forevermore, during every session that the character participates in there is a 1 in 10 chance that all of that character's die rolls will be made twice, and the average of the two rolls will be used for the result.

3 Time contracts for the caster, and the caster only: one game turn is just five minutes, not ten, spells last half the usual amount of time, only half the distance is traveled during a period of time, etc. Everyone around the caster experiences time normally. The effect lasts until the next sunset.

4 The caster severs the wrong thread and contracts time sickness. The Referee may, a number of times equal to the caster's level, dictate that the character has vomited time so that a given task being performed takes longer (1d4+1 times longer to be exact).

5 The caster severs the wrong thread and contracts space sickness. The Referee may, a number of times equal to the caster's level, dictate that the character has vomited space so the current area expands to 1d4+1 times its current size, without affecting the dimensions of the space as seen from outside the area.

7+ Refer to Miscast Table, inside front cover.

song title from Ectovoid

Curses Scribed In Gorep.16

Humans are inherently social creations, and because of that, it is universally understood that cooperation and community make humans stronger and more capable than any human on its own. This is of course why people clustered first in familial groups, then into tribes and eventually developed the concept of nations.

Yet magic necessary separates its practitioners from the community, and as these practitioners make the decision to embrace the unnatural subversion of the human experience at the expense of fellowship and the very ability to belong, they find ways to weaponize this solitude, to punish those who will not leave them alone.

The casting of this spell involves the caster splitting her own gut open (with her bare hands if necessary, although this will leave a scar whereas a more efficient cutting will eventually cleanly heal) and letting her guts spill out. The caster must currently have at least three hit points to safely cast this spell, or else must save versus Magic to survive the casting. Upon successfully casting this spell, the caster loses all but one hit point per caster level (if the caster is already below this amount, it does not change), but becomes highly resistant to attack and harm: Anyone attacking the caster while the spell is in effect (including area effect, passive, or other impersonal attack types which would affect the caster) only hits on a natural 20, only the minimum damage is done, and the caster always succeeds when making saving throws. These effects “stick” to the attacker afterwards, so they can only hit at all on a natural 20, they only do minimum damage, and all saving throws against anything they do automatically succeed.

The spell ends when the caster regains even one hit point of damage, which also seals the initial wound.

The spell may be cast upon others, but the caster is still the one that must make the initial opening into the subject’s abdomen. The subject must save versus Paralysis or be reduced to exactly zero hit points. Otherwise, the spell functions normally, and substitute “subject” for “caster” for spell effects.

1d12 MISCAST TABLEp.16

1 The spell doesn't actually work. The caster suffers the hit point loss but nothing else happens.

2 The spell works, mostly, but the caster's body reacts very badly to it. The hit point loss is permanent.

3 The spell has the opposite desired effect, as attackers only miss on a natural 1, and always do maximum damage. Saving throws are not affected by the spell. These bonuses last until the caster either heals a hit point or for 1d10 rounds after the caster loses consciousness, whichever happens first.

4 The spell works, but the eviscerated abdomen is rancid. The stink of offal doesn't leave the caster for a full day after healing has begun. During this time, random encounters are twice as likely, the numbers encountered will be the maximum, and any sort of stealthy movement will be impossible.

5 The caster's guts won't stop falling out for the duration of the spell. A seemingly endless amount of intestines, kidneys, stomachs, etc. will just spill from the caster's wounds. The caster will take twice as long to heal hit point damage, and the spillage will continue until the caster is completely healed.

6 The ruptured abdomen never heals, even after any and all hit points are regained. It just becomes normal and natural for the caster to have exposed organs. Waste excretion no longer occurs from the nether regions, eating and drinking is done by placing food and drink directly into the stomach, etc.

7+ Refer to Miscast Table, inside front cover.

song title from Hooded Menace

Daylight Tornp.18

The sun sucks. That yellow thing in the sky, it rains down radiation and heat and brightness, destroying the beautiful, tranquil visions of night, obscuring the stars and planets in the sky. Anything that can be done to stop this should be done.

This spell, which can only be cast during daylight hours, basically tears the atmosphere asunder in front of the sun, opening a rift into deep space. This has several effects:

and such out into space (and just maybe could be used as a way to eliminate airborne opponents...), but there’s still enough atmosphere in the world around it that on the ground it generates the deafening roar often associated with gale-force winds, even though the rift only generates a strong breeze.

All combat is at -2 to hit for anyone not able to see in the dark, and range penalties are doubled for missile weapons.

for any purpose has a 1 in 3 chance of actually targeting one of these people-like shadows.

easy to impersonate other people. Any attempt at such has a 1 in 3 chance of being successful, no matter how preposterous this would be under normal circumstances.

will bear no burdens, give no milk, etc.

1d12 MISCAST TABLEp.18

1 A great tentacle comes through the rift and takes one random man-sized or larger creature from the caster's group.

2 The explosive decompression is much stronger than expected. Everything within a mile that's not fastened to the ground, or not holding on to something tight, is sucked out into space in 2d6 rounds.

3 The rift never closes. In this one place there is a permanent rift in the sky. Something out there is going to be interested in a permanent, easy portal into our world.

4 The rift is opened way, way too big, and the sun and planets fall into it. The planets will maintain their orbits as the sun falls through space, and nothing will change for those on Earth, except the stars, making star-based navigation impossible, forever.

5 The darkness falls out of the rift like ink in water. The rift closes in short order, but the inky blackness suffuses the atmosphere, and daylight remains in a state of dusk for 1d10+10 days worldwide.

6 The rift opens in the caster. She is unharmed by this, but the rift is too small to have any real effect on its surroundings. The caster is also unable to move for the duration of the spell lest the rift tear her apart.

7+ Refer to Miscast Table, inside front cover.

song title from Paradise Lost

Electric Gravep.20

Sometimes, death just isn’t acceptable. It just isn’t. And while death is damned difficult to reverse, it is not completely impossible, though doing so is always risky. You’d better be sure.

This spell can only be cast in the open air, and calls forth lightning from the stars to strike down and electrify a corpse, thus reviving the deceased. The corpse needs to be in the caster’s presence, but may be buried, in a casket, or otherwise hidden.

However, life is not so easily restored. Even if the spell is cast with no miscast results, something will go wrong; roll 1d12 on the following table. If the spell is miscast, roll 1d12, taking only the first 6 results from this table, and the last six from the Miscast Table on the inside front cover of the book, as usual.

1d12 MISCAST TABLEp.20

1 The corpse awakens as a mindless, aggressive undead zombie, with the ability to generate electricity and shoot lightning bolts! (1d8 damage, 30' range)

2 The mystic energies revive and restore the corpse physically and mentally, but the caster drops dead.

3 The corpse does not awaken, but the corpse's former consciousness replaces the caster's own in the caster's body.

4 The corpse awakens with its old intellect intact, but the body is still dead and rotting and will cease to function as its flesh falls off, leaving the intellect trapped in an inanimate skeleton (the skull, to be specific) forever.

5 The corpse awakens, fully restored and intact physically and mentally, except the head is so burnt that it is replaced by some cosmically appropriate object. This new head is functional.

6 The corpse awakens, mentally intact, but the energies involved have reverted its body to that of 1d12 years old.

7 The corpse awakens, fully restored and intact physically and mentally, but the energy involved blasts them across a vast distance. It will take 1d4+2 game sessions before the caster and newly revived person can meet, barring extraordinary travel abilities.

8 The corpse awakens, mentally intact, but the body is a charred husk, what with all the lightning involved. This doesn't have any real effect other than to be very visually repulsive.

9 The corpse awakens, fully restored and intact physically and mentally, but has no hit points of its own. Its new permanent hit point total must be donated at the time of resurrection by those witnessing the resurrection.

10 The corpse awakens, fully restored and intact physically and mentally, but shares a pool of hit points with the caster. When one dies, so does the other.

11 The corpse awakens, fully restored and intact physically and mentally, but can only gain sustenance by eating living flesh.

12+ The corpse awakens, fully restored and intact physically and mentally, but the experience of death has so shaken the newly resurrected that she cannot ever commit violence again, even in self-defense.

song title from Cathedral

Evacuation Code Decipheredp.22

Sometimes, wizards are not completely weird and bizarre. Sometimes, they create useful spells.

Magic-Users, especially inexperienced ones, tend to do a lot of exploration into dangerous places, for that is where magical lore tends to be hoarded. Sometimes, this danger is too great to overcome. The Magic-User needs a fast way out.

This spell teleports the caster upwards (directly against the force of gravity) to the next open space beyond the one the caster is currently in. The space must be big enough for the caster to safely “land” in or else the spell will keep them going to the first suitable space.

Casting this spell while outside in the open air will result in the caster being transported to just beyond the atmosphere, so don’t do that.

1d12 MISCAST TABLEp.22

1 The spell instead transports the caster to the next open area downwards. If they are already on solid ground, perhaps there's a heretofore unknown dungeon below their feet? Or maybe they end up in the Veins of the Earth. Or in China!

2 Instead of transporting the caster to the next open area upwards, everything between the caster and that area collapses, so that the open area falls down to the caster's level.

3 The current structure rises beneath the caster's feet so that the caster is pushed to the next open area upwards. The destination area does not move, and the lower structure crashes through and utterly destroys the barriers between the two areas.

4 A geyser erupts below the caster, shooting her up through any intervening barriers to the next higher point (inflicting 1d6 points of damage if she was shoved through a simple ceiling, 1d10 if it was a more substantial barrier). All points below the destination area flood.

5 The spell works, but the caster then continues to rise straight up at 120' per turn, for a number of turns equal to her level.

6 The next open area upwards fills in completely so it no longer exists. Solid rock. If the next open area upwards was open air, then there is now a small mountain on that spot.

7+ Refer to Miscast Table, inside front cover.

song title from Arcturus

Graveyard of the Lightless Planetsp.24

If you want to start an argument in tabletop role-playing, just give your opinion on whether you think the gaming experience should be about telling an exciting story, immersing yourself in a character to find out what you would do in various circumstances, or just using a character as a playing piece as you do things and collect points. Someone will be along shortly to argue with you.

Never before, though, has an in-game feature allowed your game to possess all of the discomfort and intelligence of an internet message board argument! I’ll attach it to something cosmic sounding and put a vaguely psychedelic picture next to it so I can pretend it’s about a character evoking Weird and transcendent powers.

Casting this spell removes any pretense of the integrity of the game’s narrative. The caster isn’t aware that they are a role-playing character per se, but the game is to be played as such to simulate the character’s temporary insight into the inner workings of her universe.

Functionally, for one real-time minute (watch that table chatter!) per level of the caster, the Referee does not describe location, characters, and events, from the character’s point of view, but from his own. When describing a location, he explicitly describes his notes about the location, including connections to other places. When describing characters and creatures, he describes them in terms of game stats and motivations and significance to the adventure itself. Items are described completely transparently in game terms. Any triggering events or hidden die rolls are acknowledged for what they are, and why they are happening.

Basically, the Referee needs to plainly speak out loud everything he thinks and knows about, in real-world terms, the things the caster is experiencing and encountering in-game.

1d12 MISCAST TABLEp.24

1 The veil of the world's reality is instead thickened, lasting five minutes per level of the caster. During this time, the Referee makes all die rolls for the caster, and with every roll there is a 1 in 3 chance he should lie about the result! Also, the Referee should not use any adjectives when describing what the caster sees or hears (or etc.), and should never use proper nouns either.

2 The caster is overwhelmed by the revelation of True Reality, and for two minutes real-time per level of the caster, she cannot make firm decisions for herself. She can take no action without the general consensus of those around the table. No opinion or abstention by another player on a decision is counted as a “No.”

3 Reality coagulates around the caster, so for the next three minutes of real-time per level of the caster, whenever she wishes to take any action not also being performed by every other player's character, the caster's player and the Referee both roll 1d20, and the caster must win this die roll in order to take the action.

4 A glimpse into true reality threatens to unravel the caster and consume her into the fabric of reality forever. She is able to resist, but just barely. For the next five minutes of real-time per level of the caster, she may take no action which requires rolling the dice, and nothing that requires a die roll may happen to or affect the character.

5 The caster experiences sensory overload! While the character receives no special information about what's happening, she does make all die rolls at the table. However, the type of die to be rolled is never specified before being told what the roll is for. Context may allow the caster to game this system to her advantage. Not a problem.

6 The sensory overload causes the caster to be completely catatonic. This lasts for two minutes of real- time per level of the caster. She can be led around by others, but only at the slowest speeds, and can take absolutely no actions herself, even for self-preservation.

7+ Refer to Miscast Table, inside front cover.

song title from Artificial Brain

Killing Yourself to Livep.26

The one common feature that unifies living things is the belief that life is sacred. Even those who cannot articulate the thought, or even consciously think it, perform as if they believe it. There are exceptions, of course, but these are either creatures who have become so damaged that they have lost this prime unifying characteristic, or those who have taken a mental step back to judge life objectively (which may be a form of damage all its own), and have found that it’s just another process in a universe of infinite processes, and its sacred status is entirely due to extreme bias and self-interest.

Once one realizes that life holds no intrinsic value, many things become possible, including new ways for it to be preserved.

The casting of this spell involves the caster committing suicide, and a means to do so must be at hand for the spell to be cast. The caster dies on the spot, but will revive in 24-48 hours, with 1d100% of the caster’s hit points restored at that time. This revival will occur even if the caster must be reconstituted from even the smallest matter; if the caster’s corpse was stuffed with gunpowder and exploded, the pieces will come together. If the body was burned, the resulting ashes and gases will gather. If the body was consumed, then the caster’s essence will gather from the excreta (sweat, piss, shit, and both the stored and expended kinetic energy of the caloric content of the caster’s body) to reconstitute.

If the immediate area is not survivable (if the character dies in deep space, or before a lava flow from an active volcano, or deep beneath the sea, etc.) then the revival will either wait until the caster’s body is in a safer location or the reconstitution will occur in the nearest survivable location (so it is more advantageous for the purposes of the spell to not have an intact body).

The spell will restore amputated limbs or disfigured features only if the damage from such was not healed before the spell was cast.

1d12 MISCAST TABLEp.26

1 The spell does not function, and the caster simply commits suicide.

2 When the caster revives, she is not entirely complete; her maximum hit points are reduced 1 point per caster level.

3 Reconstitution takes longer: 1d4+2 game sessions. The player must play another character during this time; sessions for which the player is absent do not count.

4 The experience deeply disturbs the caster, and the character revives having lost all experience points (but does not lose any character levels).

5 After revival the caster feels death ever more acutely and develops something of an unconscious death wish. The caster suffers a 2 point Armor penalty, suffers a -2 penalty to all saving throws, and cannot ever cast this spell again.

6 The caster's consciousness survives but the body does not heal during the course of the spell. The caster is stuck within an unresponsive body and cannot act again until the body heals well enough to function (which may be difficult if the caster's consciousness is distributed through several piles of excrement).

7+ Refer to Miscast Table, inside front cover.

song title from Black Sabbath

Lunar Wombp.28

Human beings are simply animals whose cerebral cortexes have developed past all possibility of humility, and so they rationalize basic biological fact into grand narratives to avoid seeing themselves as merely another species in a world with millions of them.

Reproduction, that biological drive contained in every cell, every gene, becomes mere sentiment, as parents care for their children and console themselves about their own mortality by pretending that they live on through their children, when they so evidently do not.

But what if you could reproduce? What if you could live on through your offspring? And what if you didn’t need anyone else to do it? And what if your offspring was still you?

The casting of this spell implants, with an orgasmic scream, the caster’s genetic material into that physical embodiment of female sexuality, the moon, just under its dusty surface, within the rich and most fertile ground hidden beneath. This material will grow into an exact copy of the caster, including all memories up to the point of the casting, waiting for the right time to give birth. Because these bodies are otherwise perfect and pure, when they are born all previous magical knowledge is wiped from them and they begin life “knowing” zero spells.

The death of the caster—but only if it happens in the same dimension as the moon—will signal to the moon that it is time to give birth, and through one of its many vaginas (commonly misidentified as “craters” by observers who really should know better) will give birth to the new offspring, who will be encased in a protective organic cocoon as it travels to where the spell was cast. When the cocoon lands (the same day if on Earth, perhaps far longer if further away), the new being will awaken, able to escape the cocoon and begin its life.

Note that this spell can only be cast in universes where there is the Earth and its moon (as only Earth’s moon is so uniquely equipped in all the multiverse) and it can only be cast by one who has seen the moon, for if one has not seen it, one cannot come to love the moon in the necessary and tender ways.

The caster may cast this spell multiple times (to update the memories their offspring will have access to), but if cast while there is already waiting offspring, a miscast saving throw must always be made, at -1 per casting.

By the by, if the moon is ever penetrated more than one-half mile deep, it will shudder in ecstasy, all its “craters” will flood, and the moon will be on its way to once again being the most green and life-rich celestial object it once was. (A mining expedition in the future may be its only hope.)

1d12 MISCAST TABLEp.28

1 Multiple births! 1d6+1 offspring are born, and their hit points are shared between them. (Only injured offspring may be healed, though.)

2 Instead of a live birth, the offspring is lain in an egg, which will take 1d6+1 game sessions to hatch. However, this offspring will have +1d6 maximum hit points per session spent waiting to hatch.

3 The offspring is born hating one particular enemy of the moon, unknown to the offspring until encountered. There is a 1% chance (non-cumulative) that any NPC met is this enemy, and this NPC must die. The character will gain no experience points after meeting this NPC until the NPC dies.

4 The offspring was contaminated in its gestation; reroll all ability scores, 3d6, in order.

5 The spell does not work (if there were multiple castings for the same offspring, there is a 10% chance that a previous casting did), and the moon menstruates, raining blood upon the Earth for 24 hours.

6 The offspring's heart is made of moon rock, not muscle, and so cannot sleep during moonlight hours.

7+ Refer to Miscast Table, inside front cover.

song title from The Obsessed

Masquerade In Redp.30

The greatest spies are those who are able to move about freely and remain undetected. Also, unrelated outside the context of certain spells like this one, most microorganisms are really kind and friendly when you get to know them. They’re most happy to make conversations. They wonder why we’re not interested in what they have to say, why we don’t like them; they just want to cuddle and be involved in our lives. All the prejudice against illness is simply speciesism of the rankest sort. It’s not their fault they are toxic to human life.

They love fancy dress-up parties, for God’s sake. They are so tired of only consorting with filthy people who live in squalid conditions. You don’t like that, why should they?

But the divide can be breached. Simple communication can be established, and information can be exchanged. The microorganisms will be so happy to finally be listened to by someone of consequence that they will decline to try to move into and live within the caster.

This spell gathers all the disease microbes in the area (10’ per caster level radius) to the caster, upon whom they will gather, and they will happily divulge all they know about the area. Only airtight spaces within the area of effect will not be reported from. Once their report is given, they will return from whence they came.

The information gathered about the area will include:

have plants excluded).

wearing clean fine clothing.

clothing.

1d12 MISCAST TABLEp.30

1 The microbes don't impart any information, they simply gather and infect the caster with all sorts of nasty diseases.

2 These microbes really, really like the status quo, so the caster may not do anything to change the biome about which they have been informed, nor through action nor inaction allow it to be changed.

3 The caster has offended the microbes, so they instead inform all sentient beings within the area about the caster and her allies.

4 Whoops, the microbes gathered are ravenous. All non-living organic matter on or within 10' of the caster is eaten and effectively disintegrates, and no information is gained.

5 The microbes are either misinformed, or they hate the caster, or maybe they just aren't very bright. The information given will be wrong, anywhere between giving only 1/10th the correct numbers or giving 10 times the correct numbers.

6 The spell works, but the caster's gut biome is replaced by malignant microbes. The caster must eat five times the normal amount to get their necessary daily nourishment. This can only be cured by a full week of a very specific diet, which costs ten times the usual food prices.

7+ Refer to Miscast Table, inside front cover.

song title from Chapel of Disease

Omnipotent Crawling Chaosp.32

This spell summons a stereotypical squishy tentacle monster infused with awareness from stranger realms.

The Crawling Chaos is Armor 20, 12 Hit Dice, 12 tentacle attacks doing 1d8 damage, Morale 12. Any living creature who sees the Crawling Chaos must make an immediate Morale check or flee.

The creature will follow the caster around, never being further than 50’ away. It will obey the caster completely, but it can only understand and retain three words at a time. The creature constantly gibbers through its many mouths in an unknown tongue.

The creature cannot stand to physically touch living beings, and will avoid doing so at all costs and cannot be commanded to do so. If it does come into contact with living flesh, it will pop out of existence. However, its surface is highly acidic and this popping will do 1d20 points of damage to the creature it came into contact with. It is free to attack extradimensional creatures, the undead, constructs, basically anything that isn’t made of normal organic matter.

It is unharmed by weapons made of metal, stone, wood, etc. Anyone or anything attacking it, however, must save versus Magic or becoming a shambling, gibbering slave to the creature, basically aping its movements and obeying the same commands it does. This affects even otherwise mindless creatures and monsters, but not those of extradimensional origin. The effect ends once the creature pops.

1d12 MISCAST TABLEp.32

1 The spell simply summons an uncontrollable violencebeast that doesn't pop.

2 The spell works as intended, but the creature never leaves the caster's side, and it does not pop. When it is next in the presence of an extradimensional creature, that creature will automatically mentally dominate the creature and use it for its own purposes.

3 The creature is summoned, but it will not follow orders. Everything it attacks is transformed into another Crawling Chaos.

4 The spell works as intended, but the creature is filled with acid instead of it just being a surface feature, and when it pops it sprays acid over a 100' radius sphere. Exposed items and structures are damaged, all creatures within the area take 1d20 damage, save against Breath Weapon for half damage.

5 The spell instead transforms the caster into the Crawling Chaos. She retains her mental faculties, but cannot use her new body to communicate. She cannot take any action which will cause the form to pop. Any damage done to the Crawling Chaos is “banked,” and applied to the caster after the Chaos body pops.

6 The Crawling Chaos is summoned, but is under the control of the highest Hit Die or Level intelligent entity within a number of miles equal to the caster's level. The caster cannot make the Crawling Chaos pop.

7+ Refer to Miscast Table, inside front cover.

song title from Portal

The Planet That Once Used To Absorb Flesh In Order To Achieve Divinity And Immortalityp.34

Planets are alive, don’t you know. Not necessarily sentient, not necessarily intelligent. But some are. Some have plans. Some master the arts. The sciences. Magic. And every planet is composed of different materials. And some planets want the materials they don’t naturally possess. Because they know the stars they orbit will one day expand and destroy them, and they exist on a timescale where this is within their foreseeable future. They endeavor to prevent it.

And one planet needs calcium, figuring that it can somehow aid its survival. So it has seeded the cosmos with the knowledge needed to craft a spell to transport calcium to it.

This spell dissolves the bones of its subjects, leaving their bodies a rubbery, formless mess. They cannot move in any meaningful way (jello-like quivering is about all that is manageable, as they become the consistency of a half-full water balloon), stand, or exert any force whatsoever. They can also be folded into a very small bundle, flattened into a very flat surface and transported this way, etc. This does not by itself harm them, and indeed blunt weapon attacks have no effect on them whatsoever.

To affect a subject, the caster must physically touch them. If resisting the effects, the subject gets a saving throw against Magic to resist.

The caster’s power to affect others lasts one round per level of the caster, but once the effect takes hold it lasts one turn per level of the caster before the subjects’ bones reconstitute. The planet did not create a spell ultimately useful for its purposes.

1d12 MISCAST TABLEp.34

1 The caster is instead deboned.

2 The skeletons of the spell's subjects do not dissolve, but instead step out of their bodies and attack the caster! If the skeletons are destroyed, the spell will never end for those skeletons' owners. (Skeletons: Armor 16, 1 Hit Die, 1 rending attack doing 1d6 damage, Morale 12)

3 The skeletons involved do not dissolve, but rather extend 1' per level of the caster. Unfortunately the subjects' skins do not, so that the skin around the wrist, ankles, and neck rips apart to accommodate the longer limbs.

4 The skeletons instead harden, giving the subjects +50% hit points and a +3 Armor bonus.

5 The spell fails except that one random bone in the first subject touched becomes as dense as a neutron star, so that the subject collapses and is unable to move. The bone must be cut free from the body because the effect is permanent. Hope it wasn't the skull or a vertebrae.

6 The spell instead causes the subjects' skin to peel off completely, and their guts to start hanging out. This does not have any real effect on the subjects, other than being absolutely hideous and rather wet, what with all the blood dripping about. Wearing clothing or armor (including anything with straps like belts or backpacks) is impossible as the body's sensitivity is now too great. The spell in this case lasts one full day per level of the caster.

7+ Refer to Miscast Table, inside front cover.

Robe of Ectoplasmp.36

Legend has it that the spirits of the dead sometimes visit our world. Indeed, some tales tell that the spirits of the deceased are trapped here, unable to go to their final destination beyond. Enlightened people of course know this is all nonsense, as talk of a spirit or afterlife is merely how the powerful keep the weak docile.

Yet... stories also tell of the slime left behind when these insubstantial spirits come into contact with physical objects. Physical beings. The stories told often vary in the details, but that such slime exists is incontrovertible, regardless of its origin. Some of it seems to have consciousness and is mobile, oftentimes it is malignant and seeks to consume the living. And it is always, despite what we’re told in one enormously popular folk tale, strongly acidic.

This spell summons a quantity of this ectoplasmic slime, from wherever it originates, to cover the caster as a cloak. It is highly acidic, and although it will disintegrate whatever the caster is carrying or wearing (barring items of eldritch power), it will not burn the caster’s body. The ectoplasm generates a number of effects that the caster may take advantage of:

attacking weapon, lowering its maximum possible damage by one. A standard sword that does 1d8 damage will thereafter do 1d7 damage, for instance. Attacks using natural body parts will inflict 1d4 damage on the attacker instead. Attacks with blunt weapons will do an additional 1d4 damage to the attacker as the ectoplasm splashes, unless the attacker makes a saving throw versus Breath Weapon.

attack with her body, doing 1d8 damage on a successful strike. Even unsuccessful strikes, if the roll is still 12 or greater, will lower the Armor value of the target by 1 if they are wearing actual armor.

unless the target makes a saving throw versus Breath Weapon, it does 1d4 damage if it misses. If the target takes damage and wears armor, their Armor value is reduced by 1.

hazards.

The spell lasts one turn per level of the caster, after which point it liquefies and drains away harmlessly.

1d12 MISCAST TABLEp.36

1 The spell works as intended, except the caster is not immune to the ectoplasm.

2 The ectoplasm possesses the caster, who will seek to kill and consume all others around her.

3 The spell fails at a most inconvenient and disadvantageous time (Referee’s judgement). There is a 1 in 6 chance that the caster will projectile vomit an acidic slime creature into a 10' area in front of her. This will not harm the caster but will certainly harm whoever and whatever are vomited upon. The caster will vomit 1d10 slimes in this manner.

4 The ectoplasm does not form around the caster, but instead rains down in a 10' radius per level of the caster area. None are immune to its effects.

5 The spell does not otherwise function, but acidic non-animate slime will fall from the sky/ceiling upon the next person to say “I don't know” in the caster's presence.

6 The caster is not covered in a robe of ectoplasm. Instead, the caster is covered in a robe made out of bees. Angry, angry bees.

7+ Refer to Miscast Table, inside front cover.

song title from Spiritus Mortis

Saturn and Sacrificep.38

The most magnificent features of celestial objects are their rings. It is only fitting that those who think they shine as bright as the stars, these Magic-Users, think of themselves as cosmically significant entities so they, too, deserve rings.

This spell gathers matter to form into rings rotating around the caster that the caster can manipulate through posture and bodily movement. The rings give the following advantages:

1d6 damage)

it hits.

loses its protections and ability to manipulate it, but the encircled entity is stuck in place (or can be coerced into moving along). Attempting to move out of the rings requires a successful Stealth roll (to simulate the contortions needed to avoid the rings), or else the encircled takes 1d8 damage.

The caster can only move 10’ per round to keep the rings stable.

The spell lasts 1d4 rounds plus one round per level of the caster.

1d12 MISCAST TABLEp.38

1 The spell works, but the rings are not stable in their orbit. Every attack and spell the rings defend against does 1d4 damage to the caster.

2 The rings serve to attract more attacks; enemies will choose to strike the caster over other foes, they receive bonuses to hit and the caster receives penalties to saving throws comparable to the benefits the caster would have received.

3 The rings do not function as intended. Instead, whenever the rings are supposed to have defended against an attack or spell, the rings expand to gather the attacker and contract so the caster and attacker are within 10' diameter rings. The rings will then defend against anyone else trying to get in, and the caster and attacker can settle their differences one on one.

4 The rings will work as planned until they defend against one attack or spell, then migrate to instead surround and protect the attacker.

5 The rings are permanent, and do not move with the caster. Good luck getting out!

6 The rings attract more and more mass, 30 cubic feet per round, from the surrounding surfaces, expanding the radius of the rings 10' per round. The process continues for a number of turns equal to the level of the caster, at which point the spell ends... quite likely leaving the caster on a small plateau surrounded by a great crevasse.

7+ Refer to Miscast Table, inside front cover.

song title from While Heaven Wept

Those Who Dwell In Stellar Voidp.40

Outer space is, generally speaking, well named. Its depths are, for the most part, empty. Emptier than those who believe that it is composed of aether, but far less empty than future astronomers will contend. Many celestial objects so far away they cannot be seen with the naked eye, but that can be seen with specialized instruments, are not actually celestial objects. They are beings of incredible size, sometimes many light-years across: they are literally ancient beyond comprehension, and patient beyond all belief. What we “see” of them are the insides of these entities; their exteriors are truly outside. Their very skin may be the very barrier separating different dimensions, different realities.

The power of these creatures is immense and irresistible. Merely being in their presence wipes out not only all prepared spells from the caster’s mind, but all of the spells they are capable of preparing. The caster’s spellbook is rewritten, losing all magical knowledge. In their place, both in the spellbooks and in the caster’s capabilities, is an entirely new list of spells (the same number of spells as before), determined entirely at random.

The casting of this spell projects the caster into the presence of Those Who Dwell in Stellar Void long enough for this process to occur, at which time (1d12 turns later) the caster is returned to the place where they cast the spell.

1d12 MISCAST TABLEp.40

1 The spell works, but the replaced spells are determined by the Referee instead of randomly. Only the least useful spells should be selected.

2 The caster is projected into the presence of Those Who Dwell in Stellar Void, but instead of receiving a new spell list, their current spell list is forever locked. They cannot learn new spells ever again.

3 The caster is projected into the presence of Those Who Dwell in Stellar Void, and all her prepared spells, known spells, and spellbooks are wiped, but nothing new replaces them. The caster must start from scratch learning new spells.

4 The caster is projected into the presence of Those Who Dwell in Stellar Void, and all her prepared spells, known spells, and spellbooks are wiped, but the caster receives just one spell to replace them. This spell may be cast at-will with no preparation necessary. It is now more a superpower than a spell, but no other spells may ever be learned.

5 The spell works as intended, except that the spells wiped from the caster's mind and spellbooks are removed from all Magic-Users' minds, spellbooks and scrolls. They cannot be researched again or recovered in any way. The spells simply cease to be, for everyone, forever. Any creature with an ability that closely resembled one of these cosmically deleted spells also loses that ability.

6 The spell works, but when researching or learning new spells, Those Who Dwell in Stellar Void will judge whether the caster should have the new spell, and they are capricious. After completing the process, the caster must save against a random save category in order to be given permission to learn the spell, or else the effort is wasted.

7+ Refer to Miscast Table, inside front cover.

song title from Sulphur Aeon

The Thrash of Naked Limbsp.42

Be careful what you wish for, as the saying goes, because for some reason getting it is supposed to be a problem. That’s nonsense. Everyone always knows exactly what they really want and are overjoyed when they get it!

Take this spell, for instance. Casting it causes every male member (and by “member” you should understand that this means “penis”), within a radius of 10’ per level of the caster, grows to a length of 1d10+10’ long, bursting through clothing, throwing off codpieces and other crotch coverings as it lengthens.

The spell doesn’t exactly work as it was intended, as this just affects the length, and not the girth, of the penises. (Penii? Let’s call them penii. It makes this sound more scientific and official, and for some reason brings to mind octopuses.) It also does not generate any additional blood in the bodies it affects, meaning that arousal will be a life-threatening state for them, doing 1d10 damage per round, although after the first round chances are slim (10%) that an erection can be maintained after that trauma.

Fun fact: This spell was actually invented twice, each for different purposes, both attaining unintended success in exactly the same way. One was made by a completely perverted wizard (redundant, I know) trying to increase the size of his manhood. The other was made by a rather psychotic sorcerer (redundant, I know) attempting to increase the size of a warrior’s limbs to make them more effective in battle.

If not aroused, people (and animals!) are thusly otherwise affected by this condition: Encumbrance increases as their “limb” counts as three large items, their Morale drops to 3, and is automatically checked if their “limbs” are damaged (+5 to hit, although only a maximum of one point of damage is possible to inflict there). If an affected male tries to surrender and this surrender is not accepted, the panic and rage results in surging to Morale 12 and having +5 to hit in combat until the danger passes.

The spell lasts as long as it is funny for one turn per level of the caster.

1d12 MISCAST TABLEp.42

1 The “limbs” are prehensile, controllable by their owners.

2 The “limbs” detach from their owners, becoming independently mobile and hostile! They are considered Strength and Dexterity modifier 0, and will attempt to strangle everyone they encounter, en masse if they can.

3 The “limbs'” owners also grow proportionally, but due to their mass they are immobile for the duration of the spell.

4 The “limbs'” urethras each becomes a mouth, complete with a voicebox. These will loudly exclaim (in simple noises) their owners' emotional states at all times. This remains so even after the spell ends and the “limbs” return to their normal size.

5 The spell instead affects testicles, which will all grow to 1d10+10' in diameter. Each.

6 The spell instead affects vaginas, which will all grow to become 10' tall, with their owners' bodies contorting in such a way to accommodate having this enormous avenue. What secrets are hidden within?

7+ Refer to Miscast Table, inside front cover.

song title from My Dying Bride

Venus Projectp.44

Nobody is perfect. Everyone has flaws. Imperfections. They are often easily ignored in the short term, especially if they are minor, but time has a way of magnifying shortcomings and dulling more notable features. And no matter how close to perfection one is, people have different tastes and may prefer something completely different anyway.

This spell cuts through that, projecting an image of the caster that matches the ultimate ideal to each and every person viewing her, as appropriate to the situation at hand. (The illustration shows a rather salacious situation, simply because that is more likely to excite or disgust you than an ideal politician giving a speech to impress Parliament or Congress, which is itself a valid use of the spell, and probably what it would be used for more than appealing to prurient interests. But because I don’t have a good enough idea of who my audience is to know whether I’d need to portray Nigel Farage or Barack Obama in the picture in order to troll the largest proportion of readers, hot women it is.) This results in a +4 reaction roll bonus with everyone the caster meets.

This works wonderfully if there is just one person present, but multiple people will all be seeing their ideal before them, and to maintain goodwill the caster will have to make each and every one feel attended to, which may not be possible if they all have different goals and motivations. New reaction rolls will be called for in these circumstances, and every time a viewer sees someone else being favored, there is a -1 penalty (cumulative!) on future rolls.

The spell lasts one turn per level of the caster, but cannot be canceled before this time.

1d12 MISCAST TABLEp.44

1 One viewer sees through the deception, but becomes obsessed with the caster, even after the spell ends. This viewer becomes a stalker, with the end goal of being with the caster as a lifelong mate. (Note that gender or prior sexual preference is irrelevant to this and the spell effects override the viewer's original personality.)

2 The spell works both ways, with the caster seeing her human ideal in everyone else as well. She becomes Charmed, as per the spell, by everyone she sees, for the duration of the spell.

3 The projected ideal form is for one viewer a person that actually existed and died. This viewer takes deadly offense at the mockery and will work against the caster until the end of days.

4 The spell fails, and the caster becomes hideous. Her teeth rot, her skin breaks out in boils, hair falls out, etc.

5 The spell results in projections of COSMIC HORROR, which horrify and tear at the sanity of everyone viewing. The spell ends and will affect no one not immediately present, but everyone present will forever see the caster as this unnatural thing.

6 The projection of the ideal behaves in a vulgar and aggressive manner, resulting in a -4 reaction roll penalty.

7+ Refer to Miscast Table, inside front cover.

song title from Vektor

The Voyagers Beneath The Mare Imbriump.46

The moon, as we’ve seen, is a far more caring mistress than it is given credit for. As man huddles in fear around campfires and endeavors to illuminate its shelters after the sun abandons them every night, the moon flies above, doing all it can to illuminate the deadly, terrifying darkness.

This spell gives the caster the means to telepathically contact a particular alien object embedded within the moon’s surface, which will rotate the moon so the Mare Imbrium (where the object is buried) directly faces the caster, and project a larger image of the moon towards the caster so that it fills much of the night sky, even through clouds.

When the moon is in this position, the caster does not need sleep, always moves at maximum unimpeded travel speeds (regardless of weather, terrain, riding an animal or in a vehicle, etc.), and never gets lost.

It is impossible for the caster to not be noticed on her travels, of course. Random encounters are twice as likely to happen, although all such encounters must make a Morale check or they will avoid the caster. Hostile forces might still follow the caster, waiting until she is no longer under the protection of the moon.

The spell lasts until natural moonset.

The moon must be in the sky, visible to the caster (obscured by clouds is fine) in order for the spell to be properly effective. Even if it isn’t, it’d be a good prank to play on people in other parts of the world, turning and magnifying the moon in the direction of the caster like that.

Note that in your campaign, the Mare Imbrium might be known by another name, for example (if your setting is European-based) the Shrine of Hecate, Regio Magna Orientalis, or Mare Austriuacum.

1d12 MISCAST TABLEp.46

1 The moon's image is not protected; it is actually pulled close to the Earth. So close, in fact, that it ever so slightly touches the Earth, right at the point where the caster is, before drifting back to its natural orbit. This obliterates the caster and everything within 5d20 miles (leaving one hell of a “crater”), but curiously does not cause any other gravitational destruction.

2 The spell creates a gravity well through which the moon prevents the caster, and any within 100 yards of the caster's location when the spell was cast, from leaving this 100' radius area until the next full moon. Teleportation or similar not-actually-moving modes of transport will work.

3 The spell pulls at the Sun instead, which rotates the Earth around to face the sun, and the sun looms closer. Temperatures worldwide are +20ºC for the duration of this day. Millions die from exposure and drowning as melting ice causes flash flooding, etc. At sundown, the sun retreats back to where it belongs and the temperature will return to normal by dawn. I hope your campaign hasn't established anything existing on Venus or Mercury. Hell, Mercury used to have a thriving civilization until the last time someone screwed up the spell like this.

4 The spell causes the moon and sun to retreat for a fortnight! There is effectively no light, none, anywhere on Earth during this time. (The stars, while absolutely spectacular during this time, are not useful in this regard.)

5 The spell instead snags an orbiting satellite, which will come crashing down to Earth. Wait, satellite? Yup, and its owners are going to want to know what happened, and have a word with she who caused them to lose their property. Surveilling a primitive world ain't cheap.

6 The spell instead brings down the face of Gal'Tariq, ancient philosopher who projected himself beyond the stars and cannot return. His face is larger than the planet and will fill the entire sky. He will be most displeased about being summoned in visage only, and his scream will create a windstorm across the world, and the caster's means of conveyance will be destroyed. Ships destroyed before carts/wagons, carts/wagons before mounts, and if nothing else, Gal'Tariq will break both of the caster's legs. Gal'Tariq's face will then depart.

7+ Refer to Miscast Table, inside front cover.

song title from Bal-Sagoth

You're Just a Dreamp.48

Scientists, philosophers, and entertainers today hypothesize and play with the idea that our reality is not real in the way that we would define real, that it is but a simulation created by the equivalent of computers of the next higher order of being.

This is not new. Supposing that everything we know is simply a dream, that our reality, or even specific portions of it, are figments of someone else’s imagination, is a concept as old as conscious thought. Paradoxically, this seems to only bother very thoughtful people, as those more concerned with action realize that whatever the nature of the reality in which we live, that’s the reality we have to deal with and survive within.

And even if it isn’t true that we are someone else’s, it can be made to be true. Selectively.

This spell is cast on two separate people (with “people” defined as conscious entities which can communicate), with the caster designating one as the Dreamer and one as the Dreamed. The caster must physically touch one of the two, but the other can be as far away as 10’ per level of the caster. Both the intended Dreamer and Dreamed may make a saving throw versus Magic, but both must succeed in order for the spell to fail.

If the Dreamer ever dies, the Dreamed ceases to be, simply vanishing from existence. If the Dreamed ever dies, the Dreamer loses one current and permanent hit point. The Dreamer and the Dreamed both know this.

1d12 MISCAST TABLEp.48

1 The caster becomes the Dreamed, tied to the Dreamer.

2 Everyone present within a 10' per caster level radius becomes a Dreamed person randomly tied to another person who becomes their Dreamer.

3 The spell fails to cast as intended, as neither a Dreamer nor Dreamed are established, but the intended Dreamer and Dreamed instead switch minds.

4 The spell fails to cast as intended, as neither a Dreamer nor Dreamed are established, but the intended Dreamer and Dreamed instead become bonded another way: through selfless, true love. 50/50 chance that either one becomes the dominant partner.

5 The spell fails to cast as intended, as neither a Dreamer nor Dreamed are established. The intended Dreamer and Dreamed instead become utterly immune from any harm initiated by anyone else present (say, within 10' per caster level radius), ever, except each other.

6 The spell works as intended, with one little change: The Dreamer and the Dreamed are reversed.

7+ Refer to Miscast Table, inside front cover.

song title from Salem Mass

Item: Rod of Lordly Powerp.49

The Rod of Lordly Power is a legendary holy relic, being the preserved penis of the Lord Jesus Christ. Such holy relics are widely believed to have supernatural power, but whether such examples are truly of divine origin or simply whatever happenstance or sorcerous mischief that empowers other magical items remains to be seen. The wielder can perform many miraculous feats with this Rod, divided into two categories.

These are its Standard Powers:

no damage, but fully counts as if it did for purposes of disrupting spellcasting and other tasks.

can be used as a 10’ pole, and is sturdy enough to be used for pole vaulting.

onto food, releases a cream which purifies the substance, removing any remarkable properties, for good or ill, making it safe to eat and drink.

be taken out of the Rod, giving the minimum calories needed for one full week! The Rod can provide 20 such bites before being so deteriorated that it no longer functions. 1d4 bites will have already been taken from it when it is found.

approach the wielder of the Rod. However, they cannot be pushed by moving towards them with the Rod; they will stand their ground, and will ache for the opportunity to slay the wielder and take the Rod for their own purposes.

This great Rod of power also has Special Powers, activated by pointing it at a living target up to 50’ away. Roll on the following table to determine its effect:

The Rod also has some drawbacks:

violence. All weapons and armor count double for encumbrance purposes.

of the wealth possessed by the wielder will mysteriously disappear.

obsessed with the Rod if they are exposed to it. They will seek to become the wielder’s followers, refusing to do any useful work but insisting all their expenses be paid, so they can travel with the wielder and at regular intervals handle the Rod.

Powers are used, there is a cumulative 1% chance that the wielder will go blind.

The inspiration for this item was taken from the wonderful supplement Trinity: The Poor Pilgrim’s Almanack, or, The Handbook of Pilgrimage and Relic Thefts, a wonderful gaming supplement written by Mike Monaco and published by Lost Pages. If you’re at all interested in exploring medieval religious relics and the relic economy of the medieval age in a gaming context, this is a must-own supplement.

Anyway, if your gaming group would find that using the penis of Jesus Christ as a magic item to be a bit too spicy or offensive, you can alternatively have it be the penis of Buddha, Moses, Vishnu, Mohammad, or Mary of Nazareth.

The Weird Magic Systemp.51

This magic system uses the same magic rules of LotFP: Weird Fantasy Role Playing (or those of your favorite Traditional RPG system) with the following differences:

THERE ARE NO SPELL LEVELS All spells are considered equally difficult, and the level of the spell’s power is determined by the caster’s level. The caster does not have to cast a spell at full power; she may decide to cast it at a lower level of power (a 5th level caster choosing to cast a spell as if she was a 3rd level caster, for instance).

BEGINNING SPELLS Magic-Users begin with three randomly determined spells from the entire spell list of the campaign. There is no Read Magic.

PREPARING SPELLS EACH DAY Magic-Users can prepare/memorize one different spell per caster level. These can be prepared from the caster’s own spellbook, or any understood spell scrolls or spellbooks created by other Magic-Users.

TRANSCRIBING SPELLS All spellbooks are written in a human language. There is no “magical language,” although spellbooks are often written in a personalized code. Comprehend Languages will always allow the reading of a spellbook or scroll. To adjust the old rules to the new paradigm, for purposes of spell transcription (and all other research-type activities), consider spells to be 3rd level.

CASTING SPELLS Magic-Users has one spell slot per caster level that they can use with no risk or penalty. The Magic- User can cast any number of prepared spells in any combination up to their casting limit before they must prepare spells again. For example, they can cast every spell they have prepared once, or one spell multiple times, or any combination thereof, as long as they don’t hit their casting limit.

One may not cast a spell after delaying an action in a combat round. Note that in the spell description, the “subject” is the direct target of the spell.

RISKY CASTING Spells can be cast under conditions which risk catastrophe. When one of the following conditions is met, the spell may still be attempted. However, the caster must make a saving throw vs. Magic. On a failure, roll on the Miscast table. Spells cannot be ended early on a Miscast. Every additional valid condition means a –1 penalty on the saving throw.

limit has been reached.

day (this can only be attempted with a spell that is in the caster’s own spellbook).

an understood scroll or spellbook, that is not by the caster’s own hand, that has not been prepared that day.

level of encumbrance (Light encumbrance for humans)

(non-instantaneous spells may still be affected after casting, but before the spell takes effect!

hit points.

This saving throw, and the miscast results, are rolled by the Referee and are only revealed when they manifest through play.

Casters may miscast on purpose, but the player may never choose the miscast result.

(If you’d like to use these spells with traditional “Vancian” RPG magic systems, simply ignore the miscast rules and treat these all as first level Magic- User spells. What could go wrong?)

A New Magic System for Traditional Role-Playing Games

1d12 EFFECT OF A MISCAST SPELLp.52

1-6 Effect custom to the specific spell. See the spell description for details.

7 An extradimensional entity has slipped into this reality through a hole created by the casting attempt. Treat as if the Summon spell has been cast, with the creature having Hit Dice equal to the level of the spell originally attempted +1d4. The creature is automatically out of control.

8 An entirely different spell has been cast. Randomly determine what spell was cast from the campaign spell list (reroll if the intended spell comes up) with a 1d10 effective caster level. If the spell requires a specific target or target area, determine this randomly.

9 Uncontrolled extradimensional radiation floods an area equal to the intended spell level x 20’ radius. Every biological creature of at least one Hit Die (except the caster) suffers 1d6 damage. The sum of the damage done is pooled together, and this pool of damage heals the caster up to maximum hit points, but all remaining damage beyond that is subtracted back from the caster’s hit points.

10 The misappropriation of magical energy causes time to slide ahead:

research purposes, or any such gameplay where time passes at a great rate), then 1d6 days for every spell level passes instantly. All characters within 20’ staying in the same place the entire time. Any environmental effects of the character being in that spot unmoving for that many days are instantly applied (for instance, if they are in an unforgiving tundra, they will suffer the results of 1d6 days of cold exposure). The characters are then affected as if they have not eaten or slept in that entire time.

measured in 10 minute turns), then 1d6 turns per spell level pass instantly. All characters within 20’ stay in the same place the entire time. Light sources are expended, encounter checks are made, and any effect of the characters being in that spot unmoving for that period of time are instantly applied.

rounds), every biological being within 20’, including the caster, rolls 1d6 per spell level, and is effectively paralyzed for that many rounds.

11 Odd and alien light floods a 100’ area, destructive and harmful to physical life, but so strange that biological bodies don’t know the proper response to the harm suffered. Bodies therefore guess at how they are supposed to respond to the malignant force, deciding to “remember” the last damage suffered and recreate that to express the harm caused by the light. Every character within the area re-suffers the last damage inflicted upon them. If the specific damage suffered cannot be remembered, then surely the foe that caused it can be; assume maximum damage was suffered. If even that cannot be remembered, the character suffers 1d20 points of damage. If a character has never before suffered hit point damage and is subject to this effect, it does no damage and instead doubles their maximum (and current) hit point amount.

12 Microscopic organisms floating in the air are engorged with strange energies, growing large enough to be seen and emitting glowing hues. They pass through all matter freely and devour all perishables (food, oil, torches, ammunition, gunpowder, basically any item individually accounted for and expended in a character’s inventory, money and other such valuables excepted) within a 10’ per spell level radius.

Playtest Notesp.53

What follows are rules that are being considered for a future potential next edition of LotFP. We are doing another printing of the existing rulebook at the same time as this book, so don’t worry, nothing will officially change for some time. This is your chance to decide if things should change at all, and whether or not you think these changes in particular would be beneficial. Any new rules have several criteria: • The most important goal is to keep things fresh and accentuate how LotFP is different from other super- ficially similar games without creating an edition war. • The process of play should remain the same. For instance, you call for a saving throw at the same times and for the same reasons to determine the same results, it’s just what dice you use and how you interpret them might be a bit different. • Backwards compatibility is a must. All of your existing adventures and supplements should work with the new rules. Stats and stat blocks will remain the same, even if certain mechanics based on them might change. • Most LotFP campaigns feature lower level characters, and modern campaigns do not last long enough to build characters to higher levels. There is a high mortality rate for LotFP characters, so providing characters more possibilities at lower level and decreasing the importance of gaining levels is also important. Let me know what you think: lotfp@lotfp.com

ABILITY SCORES

CHARACTER CLASSES & GAINING LEVELS

Only Fighters, Magic-Users, and Specialists will exist. Demi-humans will not exist (this ain’t Tolkien), and neither will Clerics (the existence of divine power defines the cosmology of an individual campaign that is best left to the Referee, not a game publisher). 2500xp is required to reach level 2 for all classes, with double the xp being required for each subsequent level (5000xp for level 3, etc.) At first level, Fighters roll their hit dice as determined by Constitution twice and keep the higher roll. Magic- Users and Specialists roll their hit dice as determined by Constitution. When a character gains a level, roll a number of hit dice equal to the new level. If the total is higher than the current maximum hit points of the character, keep the new total. Otherwise, hit points do not increase that level.

ATTACK BONUSES

There are four categories: Mêlée, Firearms, Ranged, and Guard Fighters begin with a +2 bonus to all categories at first level and gain +1 to all categories per level. All other characters begin with a +1 bonus to Firearms and a +1 bonus to one random category. NEW COMBAT RULES

Guard This replaces “Parry” from the current rules. A character may decide to “Guard” at any time assuming they have not already acted during the current round. If the character Guards at their normal turn in the initiative sequence, she receives an Armor bonus equal to her level plus her Guard bonus. If the character Guards out of the normal initiative sequence (it must be declared before the enemy’s attack roll!), the Armor bonus is equal to half the character’s level rounded up plus her Guard bonus. Fighters retain their full level bonus to Armor when Guarding out of the initiative sequence. This bonus remains in effect until the end of the round.

Holding an Action A character may hold an action and wait to see what a foe will do before acting, but any roll made that round after declaring a held action is done at a -2 penalty. If holding an action, those with a lower initiative roll that round can not also hold their action; the lower initiative combatant in these cases must declare an action so the higher initiative combatant holding an action may react to it.

New Skills Leadership: Used to influence loyalty and morale in retainers. A successful use of this skill gives a +2 bonus to

Luck: Luck determines how many rerolls a character may make of her own personal rolls per game session. Rerolls are not guaranteed to succeed. Medicine: A successful use doubles recovery of hit points, ability scores, etc. for that day. If the patient has at least half their hit points, a failure means no recovery. If the patient has less than half their hit points, a failure requires a further saving throw to be made by the patient or they take 1d8 damage on a failed save (see below) or 1d4 damage on a partial save (see below). A successful save means no further damage. Seamanship: Basically “Bushcraft” for sea travel; rules to come in a future supplement.

SAVING THROWS

Merciless & MindBending Roleplayingp.55

Eldritch Cock is a book of new spells for your campaign, using the alternate Weird Magic System first introduced in Vaginas are Magic!, 2017’s Free RPG Day book. Details of the new system are on the inside front cover of this book, but an explanation of the whys and wherefores can be found in Vaginas are Magic! The book is available for free download, and linked from the front page of the LotFP

website at www.lotfp.com.

LotFP is the brutal and wondrous Weird Fantasy tabletop role-playing game born out of love for underground heavy metal, horror literature and film, and all things strange and macabre. Whatever the inspiration of the moment, be it Lovecraft and Barker, Troma and Hammer, Argento and Fulci, the NWOBHM and True Doom, or Ito and Morrison, LotFP’s cadre of writers and artists deliver

mind-bending and merciless content for your game table.

LotFP uses a well-established “class-and-level” rules base to bypass most of the “how to roll the dice” tedium associated with adopting a new role-playing game. LotFP gets straight to the good stuff: original, strange, experimental adventures,

supplements, and variants that excite the imagination.

LotFP releases have sold over 100,000 copies and the game has a healthy third- party publishing community. There are thriving play and creative cultures around the game. This is no impulse grab that will rot on your bookshelf unplayed.

The full rules in art-free format, the full and unredacted previous printing of the Referee book, the 100+ page adventure-campaign Better Than Any Man, and more

are available for free download at our official website:

www.lotfp.com

Compatibility Licensep.56

If you would like to publish your own LotFP-compatible material, you must

follow the terms of the LotFP Compatibility license.

LotFP Compatibility License Terms 1.4

This license allows non-affiliated “third party” publishers to release free or commercial publications for use with, and declaring compatibility with, LotFP Weird Fantasy Role-Playing. You do not have to pay a licensing fee nor pay royalties to use this license, and you do not have to submit your product for review prior to publication.

Logos to declare compatibility (and a select list of books already released under the program) can be found here: http://www.lotfp.com/RPG/3rd-party-support

Thank Youp.57

Dylan Bach Mikael Brauer Nicholas Brawn Catapult Anthony Cervino Fery Claude Walter Croft Stephen Daniels Craig Denham Dan Domme Mathew Edlund Gene George GH Bill Gibson Florent Gilbert Jack Gulick Timothy Hall Ronny Heinz Ulf Hillebrecht Apollo Hogan Edward Kiernan Andrew Knapp Jason Knepper Mark Kriozere Janne Kuosa Patrick Ludwig Patrick Mathis Blackwood

Melrose James Murphy Scott Edward

Nash Justin Neal Andrew Prince Rob Roys

(Juneau, Alaska) Kevin Thomas

Schlüter Matt Shoemaker Matthew Silver Stratochamp Josh Symonds William Tanner Keely Willert

A Nonny Mouse Greg Acker Andy Action Justin Akkerman Amanda Allen Randal Andrews Arcana Creations Chris Avery Derik Badman Batro Francisco José

Barros Bayona Jeff Bernstein Jason Bossert Axel Boucher Alain Bourgeois David Bresson Xavier Brinon Jeff Brooks Christian Buggedei Matt Butcher Andrew Byers Tom Cadorette James Caldwell Joe Campbell James Carpio Casey Cassidy Raf Ceuls Ian Charles Zack Cohen Edouard Contesse Andrew Crenshaw Roy Cross Craig Daley Warren Denning David Derocha David Dierks Craig Dixon D. Christopher

Dodd Peter Dorney Patrick Downs Deborah Dunlap Peter Earle Brett Easterbrook Kurt Ellison Scott Faulkner Jack Feeley John Fiala Jesus Flores Frederick Foulds Jeff Fournier Aaron Funk Victor Garrison Dave Garwood

Jesse Gerroir Jesse Goldshear Chris Glew Jeff Goad Michael Cornelius

Goran Paul Gorman Thilo Graf Eddy Green Kelvin Green Simon Hacking Heikki Hallamaa Jon Hancock Rodney

Hankemeier Jeremy Haupt Julian Hayley James Heath Sam Heazlewood Daniel Hedigan Emanuel Hellblom Paul Hodgeson Robert Hopt Dominik Huber Forrest Hudspeth Thomas Hume Richard Hunt Christopher Irvine Justin Isaac Daniel Jacobsson Cordell Jacques Martin John Edgar Johnson Frederic Joly Alexandre Kan Michael Kastl Nicholas Kerr Keith Kneipp John Lile Manuel Saua Llanes Demian Luper Jordan MacCarthy Tony Maguire Robert Mahoney Matt Maranda Jesse Masterson Gary McBride Ian McBride Alexei McDonald Ian McDougall Jordan McIntosh Legion McRae Nik Mennega Shawn Meyer Richard Miller

Robert Monroe Simone Rolim de

Moura Paul Myers Scott Nash Peter Neely Jason Neff Keith Nelson Stephen Nicklus Luke Niedner James Niemira Aleksi Nikula Diogo Nogueira Helga Nordgren Terje Nordin Daniel Norton Andre Novoa Héctor Cuñat

Núñez Michael Nusbaum Mattias Närvä Zachary O’Connor Barry O’Leary Jacob Orbeck Ktrey Parker John Pate Chris Paul Forest Pavel Samuel Pender Davide Pignedoli Patrick Pilgrim Ivan Podgwaite James Pontolillo Jack Pullman Mark Rajic Martin Ralya Lloyd Rasmussen Rune Egehøj

Rasmussen Frank Reding Brian Renninger Nick Rigano Franz Georg Roesel David Rollins Tom Rollins Julien Rothwiller Matthew Ruane Tim Rudolph Jeffrey Russell The Rusty DM Søren Nøhr Ryborg Mark Sable The Sage

Experiment Christian Sahlén

José Sánchez David Sandell Patrick Sandoval Shawn Sanford Nicola

Santagostino Matthew Seagle Fred Schiff Max Schneider Anthony Schocke Adam Scholtes Michael Schultz Glynn Seal Michal Sedlacko Gord Sellar Ben Short Dennis Sieg Andy Smith Magnus Smith Cameron Staunton-

Latimer Justin Stewart Matt Stickrod Karl Stjernberg Brendan Strejcek Hirochika Suzuki Dag Sverre Syrdal John Taft Erik Talvola Adam Thornton Shane Trimble Kurtis Trimbo Edward Tumber Lothar Tuppan Chris Turner Casper Tybjerg Kris Vanhoyland Thomas

Vanstraelen Perttu Vedenoja Steven Vest Ngo Vinh-Hoi Frederik Vogt Steven Douglas

Warble Jared Washburn Donald & Wendy

Welsh Nick LS Whelan David Wilkie David Willems Victor Wyatt James Youhas

The following people sponsored ELDRITCH COCK, allowing us to give away thousands of hardcover books:

Do other Magic-Users snigger at your flaccid spellbook? Do you suffer performance anxiety as a Referee? Do your players complain about the abbreviated delivery of your cantrips?p.58

Text © 2018 James Edward Raggi IV

www.lotfp.com ISBN Print 978-952-7238-04-2

ISBN PDF 978-952-7238-05-9 PRINTED IN FINLAND BY OTAVA BOOK PRINTING, LTD.

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Like Vaginas are Magic! before it, James Edward Raggi IV’s Eldritch Cock will thrust the powers of measureless wonder onto the magical members of your adventures. Reproducing the wildest moments you’ve ever imagined and bringing them off in your game will be simple after injecting these meaty incantations into your campaign repertoire.

Inside this eight and one-half inches of hard covers are 22 penetrating new spells that can be used with any traditional role-playing game rules, guaranteed to help you become the cock of the walk, have the stroke in your local community, and finish off the curse of bad, boring wizardry forever!